Some Brooches & Clarification on Fear

I'm back to brooch making. Feeling inspired. Well, not terribly inspired at the moment, but I think it will come back. I have some antique French hand-woven linen that I've just cut into ovals so I'll be embroidering on those. Not wanting to do too much covering of the beautiful weaving. Artistry in it's own right. I can get lost in the mastery of the weave. So perfectly imperfect. Made by the hands of someone long dead. Never imagining, over 100 years later, a person would so lovingly stare into the weave they created. It's almost like seeing all the years woven together. Sustained to this point with a quality that no longer exists or that most people no longer care about. God bless the people who still weave by hand and keep alive such arts as tatting. I wonder if I could tat?

 

 

 

These brooches are not made with the antique linen, but I should have some posted in the next week.

I was called to the mat by a couple of my friends regarding my lack of fear. It caused me to do quite a lot of thinking about what, exactly, might strike fear in me. Will talked about my fear of a movie Kendra talked me into watching 10 or 11 years ago. Blair Witch Project. It honestly took me several years to get over it. I've almost completely erased the movie from my memory so it's a bit hard to identify exactly why it was so frightening, but I suspect the story line caused me to feel a loss of control over my surroundings. As long as I'm in control, I'm not afraid. About 5 years ago Will sent me one of those emails that tell you to look at a photo and try to find certain things in it. I'm always up for a challenge so I buried my face in the computer screen and started looking. All of a sudden a ghastly, horrifying image POPPED out of the screen!! All I could do was run from the computer room. Got to my bedroom, heart pounding, realizing I would be forced to make my way back to that room in order to get the image off my screen. Once I calmed down I decided to cover my eyes and feel my way back to the computer. Once there, I continued to cover my eyes and felt my way to the button to turn the computer off. I can't imagine how bad it would have been if I didn't ALWAYS keep my volume turned down. I refused to open an email from Will for at least a year; maybe two. Again, loss of control in my surroundings. Jen mentioned how I reached for my Xanax while in the passenger seat in Dallas traffic. I do the same thing when visiting my brother in southern California. Highly warranted since my brother's eyes are NEVER on the road. The older I get the worse I get about riding as a passenger. Brian has just about decided we need to take separate cars everywhere we go. Again, it's all about control. I would rather be the one driving, however, I am unnerved by large city traffic. I don't trust the other drivers. Okay, I think I've established that fear rises in me only when I am no longer in control of a situation.  Doesn't it make you wonder why I'm not scared to death of tornadoes? I mean how out of control can you get?? A tornado....I can't control a tornado. What I can control is my response to the tornado. The other day when I saw the funnel cloud forming and decided to go inside Starbucks it was not a decision made without weighing all my options. I thought it out quickly, but thoroughly. I actually would have aimed my car northwest and shot the gap IF there had been no other cars and no stop light. I could have easily driven out of the path of that tornado as it had just started up and had not yet turned beastly and broad. I was in complete control the entire time or, at least, I felt like I was. That's the key for me....FEELING in control. Whether or not I actually am in control is another issue. As long as I feel in control, I'm not afraid. Am I full of myself or what??? When you look deep into your psyche, you always go back to your childhood. It was my parents who gave me that confidence. They didn't have some motivational parenting plan it just happened naturally. Parenting was much more instinctual back then I think.

Okay. I'm done thinking about myself for a while. Should be back with more brooches soon:)

Comments

[karla nathan]

Donna, I know exactly what you mean!! I consider my self practical and calm and can handle about anything, am good in emergancies and don't freak out. But I got that same Email and squealed like a frightened baby!! Oh my gosh, when I was concentrating on the screen and that scary image popped out at me, I was out of my chair and shreiking!

But, when we were out on the lake in our boat and saw funnel clouds above us in the sky, I kept calm and got the family home safely.

[susan]

your new brooches are lovely!

[jen duncan]

Yes, of course you could tat. If you were so inclined to tat.
You know I was just ribbin' ya. I'm pretty sure lack of control is a common fear for most people but it just feels so personal when it's one's own. My big issue is abandonment, and I hold it like it's as personal as my eye or hair color, but really; who WOULD want to be abandoned?! (excluding you at the end of summer vacation :-D )

[Elizabeth Shea]

Donna,
I have been really enjoying your brooches. They are lovely. Keep it up.

[Annie Frazer]

Donna
Your brooches are amazing. You really do some fabulous work.

And never think that you are alone with these types of feelings. We all fear something. It would be interesting, you and I in a car fighting over who gets to drive. I also want to be the driver. Would make for an intersting ride don't you think. LOL.

Annie

[Cindy]

Pretty good couch analysis there! LOL. LOVE your brooches.

c

[Jeanne]

It is funny you brought up The Blair Witch Project. I was so freaked out by that movie. Love the new brooches!

[cathy nash]

Whoever said you have nothing to fear but fear itself obviously never opened that email! It got me too several years ago.